the beginning

Well, here we are I thought this would be something to do maybe to help others or open peoples eyes to reality. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be in this position now in this part of my life. I have been married 37 years have two daughters in their 20s and 30s and I am depending on them at times to help us go from day to day. I go to the food bank and when I need even more I go to friends and relatives - many of which get tired of helping and have told me so. They seem to think we have more money then we really do and in fact someone offered me a class in money management. How do I take this class when I do not have any money to manage. They want me to be and I quote - "I need to get a job and be a contributing member of my family". I would work if I were physical able and if we had more then one car. We only have one car that services three people - my husband works nights and my daughter works days.When am I supposed to do this? Am I more then one person?

Let me explain how this all happened. In 2008 I lost my job mostly over illness but I was given the choice to keep trying to get better or take lay off which would let me have severance pay. I took and began looking for a job. I sent resume after resume out and got no response. I tried temp work but it was slow there were very few jobs and it was going to get worse this was right before the big recession. I did retail at holidays, I did elder care until I got let go for falling asleep and last if not least babysitting which did not end well either. My medical issues were making everything hard to do and them follows a major depressive disorder. My iron level was bottomed out which was why I was so tired all the time. Then they added Fibromyalgia in to the list of medical issues. This at least explained why some mornings I felt like I had been in a fight at night. I sore all over in different places most of the time. I tried washing dishes and half way thru had to bend over holding on to the counter for at least ten minutes before I could finish.

Then the fibro fog they call it showed up. I would lose my keys and founded them in unusual places. I went to go to work and could not find them again. Later my daughter looked at me and said "Mom your keys are around your neck". I would lose track of what people were saying to me and ask them to repeat and this made people irritated after awhile. I would drop things one right after another. I couldn't concentrate and when driving made some unbelievable mistakes. How I never hurt anyone is beyond me. No one could talk or turn on the radio when they rode with me and awhile I just quit driving. Then came refusing to leave the house. I would begin sentences and half way thru forget what I was talking about or not be able to remember the word I was going to use.

The worse things got the more depressed I became and it did get worse. I had a lung biopsy, electrocardiogram, psychological testing, xrays, mris, cts. I had a hernia corrective surgery that ended in an over night stay. I had a pharmacy at home and did have one experience overdosing. I could not function I cried all the time and prayed to die.

Next we moved into an apartment and tried to make things less hectic and simple. Then my youngest moves in with us against our lease and things are hectic again. I go for physical therapy and massages the doctor prescribes to help the fibro. It helps some but then one night I have to take the dog out become dizzy and light headed next thing I am on the ground. This is followed by my car being repossessed and now I have no car to go to work. Within a year we are served eviction papers and the police come to make sure we are gone. What the hell do we do now?